I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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