he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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