If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
My vagina is officially offended.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
