Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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