i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
My bed is full of blood and feathers
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
