i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
