billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
