she woke up with a sticky ear
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize