I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
