Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
