im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
