i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Randomize
