I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Randomize
