You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
