His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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