Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
