jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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