i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
