We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
