haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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