i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
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Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
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Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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