She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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