She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
