a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Randomize
