problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
