hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
