I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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