where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
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