Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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