I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
