He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
