Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
