I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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