just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
