the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Mom said you looked used
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
