hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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