I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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