Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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