so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Randomize
