also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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