Capitaan dildo arrescate!
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
