my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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