so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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