She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
