she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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