Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
