your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
