Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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