STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
