did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Randomize
