weddingsv make me drug and hornr
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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