went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
