Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
