Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
