Fine. I'll sleep in my office
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
