I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
