brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
